The Leadership Skill Most People Never Learn | Character, Trust & Self-Discipline

 In this solo episode of Diversity Conversations, Eric Ellis explores the powerful connection between character, trust, leadership, and personal growth. 

From lessons learned in sports, health, and professional leadership development, Eric shares why true leadership begins with self-awareness, accountability, and the willingness to continuously grow. He discusses the importance of psychological safety, empathic listening, belonging, inclusion, and creating workplaces where people can thrive. 

Eric also reflects on friendship, faith, discipline, emotional resilience, and the role of grace in becoming the kind of leader others trust and respect. 

Whether you're leading an organization, a team, a family, or simply working to become a better version of yourself, this conversation offers practical insights and meaningful reflections for navigating today's challenges with integrity and purpose. 

🎙️ Topics include: 

• Building trust through character and accountability
 • The power of psychological safety in the workplace
 • Why leaders should admit mistakes
 • Empathic listening and perspective-taking
 • Inclusive leadership and belonging
 • Personal discipline, health, and habit formation
 • Friendship, mentorship, and community
 • Faith, grace, and leadership development 

Join the conversation and discover how leadership begins long before a title is ever assigned.  

leadership, inclusive leadership, leadership development, trust, workplace culture, psychological safety, empathy, empathic listening, accountability, character, belonging, inclusion, diversity conversations, eric ellis, organizational culture, team effectiveness, communication skills, emotional intelligence, personal growth, self discipline, habits, leadership skills, employee engagement, trust building, servant leadership, diversity equity inclusion, DEI, team excellence, coaching, professional development, workplace leadership, corporate culture, leadership podcast, faith and leadership, authentic leadership 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to Diversity Conversations, where we engage in thought-provoking dialogue to identify leadership solutions to today's most challenging conflicts. Stream live each week, Saturday, 9 30 a.m. to 11 a.m., hosted by Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Strategists and CEOs Eric Ellis and Tommy Lewis. Join us and add your voice to this engaging diversity conversation.

SPEAKER_01 0:30

Good morning, Greater Cincinnati, Northern Kentucky, the United States, and the world. My name is Eric Ellis, and I'm the president and CEO of Integrity Development Corporation. And as you can see, I'm not joined this morning by my good friend and my brother Tommy. Tommy is probably out on location. We have a tournament with our West Golf Club today, this weekend. And uh last year, uh Tommy participated by DJing this event. And uh we actually broadcast live from the event. So he may actually even be looking for me, you know, uh there at Walden Pond. I'm not there. I will be there after uh after the podcast. Uh, but I am delighted to be with you all again for another conversation around uh diversity. And uh, you know, it's just so important the things that we are doing, especially in the times that we're living in. And so uh what we typically do is that we start off by talking about our week. And so I've identified a couple of things that have happened this week of uh that are noteworthy. Number one, I don't know how many of you are watching the NBA finals, but it has been spectacular. Uh, not if you are uh San Antonio Spurs fan. Uh everybody was saying that uh, you know, that they're too young uh to go all the way, and uh and they never have looked too young until maybe now. Uh they have uh gone through the tournament. Uh they beat uh OKC, who was the defending uh champs from last year. Uh they have the uh distinction of having uh uh Wemby, Wimbenana, uh seven foot four, seven foot five, people say that together. Uh you know, uh young man that is a phenomenal basketball player. He's seven feet five inches and plays like a guard. Uh he shoots threes, uh he can go around people, spin moves, uh, throw the ball between his legs, behind his back, uh, and then dunk on everybody on his tiptoes. When he stands on the floor, he literally can stand up just grab the net midway up. It looks to me like uh if you and I were standing in front of a waste paper uh basket and blocking shots of little kids trying to score. You know, I mean, that's how he looks sometimes. But he is a phenomenal athlete, but man, they are down three to one. And so tonight, uh, you know, is the fifth game. It's back in San Antonio, so we'll see what they do tonight. But uh, man, they lost two games uh at home coming out the gates. Uh, then they went to New York, they're playing the New York Knicks. Uh the New York Knicks haven't won uh in, I think 53 years it's been since they won uh last national uh NBA title. And so they are hungry. Uh the city is going berserk right now. But this last game, uh, I know so many people that literally just went to bed. If you were one of those that went to bed early because you thought this game was over. Ah, you woke up to a surprise, and I saw a lot of people that woke up to a surprise, and uh it was uh crazy. I mean, you are literally beating the New York Knicks down by 29 points. 29. I mean, I mean, it's over, right? It's absolutely over. Uh they just scored like 76 points in the first half, and then all of a sudden, just like a golfer that has uh they're mentally they've gone into the clubhouse with three holes left to play. Now, if you go into the clubhouse mentally with three holes left to play, that round is not over yet. This thing could all fall apart, the wheels could all fall off. That's what happened to them. Uh I watched it, I've never seen anything like that in my life. The coach never called timeout. Uh, they were up by 29 and 27 and 24, and uh they were just coming down like they were in the first half, jacking up threes. You're up, guys, 27 points. Why are you jacking up threes? Uh 22. 20 points, he's still up 20 points. Uh, but the time is uh beginning to get away, and uh and literally they're going to the fourth quarter, probably up 18, 18, then 15. Hmm. This thing has got all the way away, and now they start entertaining what the New York Knicks fans are entertaining as well. That we might come all the way back and beat you all. And they just kept not calling timeouts, kept coming down, jacking threes up, uh, wide open lanes, all we gotta do is go get the layup, guys. No, no, no. We wouldn't dare do that. You're crazy. Keep shooting and shooting and missing and shooting and missing and shooting and missing, and now the ball game's tied up. And literally, uh, you could just see them. I mean, the the point guard, uh I played that position, so I know what it looks like when you've lost your confidence, and now you're out here, and everybody's waiting on you to do something big and and and leadership like. And he literally had a brain fart and just threw the ball away, and the guys took it, went down, made a layup. And then, I mean, that it's so it's so hard to lose when you're up by 29 that you have to do some just unbelievable things in order to lose that game. And so they come down, and uh uh uh Fox has the ball. Uh they're up by one with like eight seconds left. You're still up. He comes down, he's in front of the defender, and instead of pulling the ball out, he tries to go to the bucket half-heartedly. The defender blocks the shot. And then they come down and uh I mean it's just crazy. Uh they uh foul somebody, it goes out of bounds. They uh pass the ball in to Brunson, who's been now on a heater. So Brunson is shooting the three, uh everybody's holding their birth in the entire arena. They're down by one. He shoots the ball with just seconds left. Three, two, he misses it. Oh, the New York Knicks are gonna lose. And then OG comes out of nowhere and tips the ball with the tip that will be heard and seen around the world, and it drops in the bucket. Now they're up by one with 1.2 seconds left. The spurs are down, they throw the ball in, and they just complete the collapse and lose that game by one. I think that's pretty much over. I mean, just that's just it was just unbelievable. And the fans were literally sitting there, Spikely. I mean, this the whole arena. Table Squip and then was out there doing dances. I mean, everybody was hugging, kissing, the arena erupted, and then the Spurs had to go to their locker room, and that's a long flight home. So game five will happen tonight. Uh, I think it's hard to come back and win one after that. Uh they're young enough that they don't really think about things, but when the pressure gets the hottest, you've got to somehow try to be at your best. And they were not. And so now we are here at game five. Uh, their day is going to come, but unfortunately, it wasn't the last game or the game before. Well, it was the game before that. Uh, and uh man, it's just difficult to uh have watched that. I don't have a dog in the fight, so I'm actually kind of glad for New York because the city is just so desperate for a win and it looks like they might get one uh world championship. Uh, the other thing that I wanted to mention is that there's another sporting event, I think, happening tonight uh at the White House. Uh, the White House uh and the president are hosting a UFC match on the line of the White House. Whoa, what are we doing? I mean, really? UFC fighting right on the White House line. Uh, I'll tell you that uh President Trump does some unorthodox things that send people crazy who don't like him. Like, I can't stand him, he's messing up the whole White House. You know, he tore down the East Wing already. What else is he gonna do? We're just tired of him doing stuff. But uh with the common person somewhere out there in the country, I think in some ways they kind of love that UFC fight on the White House lawn. It's supposed to be somehow celebrating the 250th. I don't really see that, but it is Donald Trump's birthday. Uh, and so uh so that's interesting. So uh I'd love to hear what some of you think about uh that and the things that are going on. Last night I was uh attending an event with our West Club. We had uh Monte Carlo night and had some of our guests from out of town come play cars, roulette, you know, just all kinds of different games and food. And I was there uh talking to people about uh how God called me to uh love the president and to pray for him. And uh, you know, and people like, huh? What are you talking about? But I tell you, I am very clear about uh my values and about my faith. And I want to say this to you, community, I don't care where you are politically, uh, whether your side wins or loses. I just want to encourage you not to ever allow yourself to get caught up in this foolishness of making political views and differences personal. Where you are uh catching heartburn over this, uh, you believe that the whole future of the country is doomed uh because of this. Uh you can't wait till your party wins so you can uh get back at the other party. That's not where you want to be. That's not the character that you want to uh uh operate out of. I I had a wonderful message last uh week from uh the pastor of Christ Emmanuel, uh Pastor David Goins, and he preached on the Holy Spirit. And uh one of the things that he said that resonated with me, he said that the Holy Spirit, uh, that a lot of there are a lot of people that don't desire the Holy Spirit because of the way that Christians have presented the Holy Spirit. He said they've uh presented the Holy Spirit in in many ways as just an emotional experience. In other words, we just get caught up in high emotion, maybe speaking in tongues, uh rolling around on the ground or whatever, uh, you know, but but they they they present it in such a way that some people just fear the Holy Spirit. He said, the Holy Spirit is our paraclete, uh, but the Holy Spirit is the one that guides us. Uh Jesus talked about, I'm going away so that I might send you a comforter. And that comforter was the Holy Spirit. And what he said was that the Holy Spirit's main job is to help you live out biblical character. He said, that's what the Holy Spirit does, is it helps you constrain your tongue, it helps you to say I'm sorry, to apologize to others. Uh, and and when he started talking about the Holy Spirit, I started reflecting on that's my uh most natural affiliation with the Holy Spirit, is that it really is the thing that causes me to try to uh lift my own values up to the values of Christ, uh the values of the Bible on my good days. And so uh I'm saying to people that uh, you know, when God first said to me, You got to love the president and pray for it, first thing I did was I crossed my fingers, put him behind my back, like, okay, God, yep, sure thing, I'm in, you know. And uh and uh then uh and then I said, no, no, I was I was here with Tommy and we were talking about uh me looking at CNN and Fox and MS Now, and then I had to turn to jazz music to kind of recover from uh you know uh all of that negativity in many ways. And uh Tommy asked me, he said, well, whatever takes you back to uh, you know, uh those news uh you know, crazy news uh uh stations. I said, Well, I'm uh I'm a peace ambassador. And I believe it is my responsibility to understand what people that I'm trying to bring together, what they're being exposed to. And I said, in many ways, I'm a storm chaser. I sort of chase storms and then I throw up all my gadgets and I take a measurement, uh, the pulse of the nation and where they might be based upon the things that they've heard. And I said to him, I said, Tommy, I said, uh uh, I've been in one of those storms and I saw President Trump. And I said, uh, he wasn't a big man. In many ways, he was a small man. I said, and I what what God allowed me to see, I think, was just the things that he's experienced in his life that might even be abuse or uh things that have been harmful to his own uh self-development. And God said to me, and and and many of us are are broken uh people, vessels in need of a comforter, in need of the healing of God and the Holy Spirit. And so when God showed me what he's gone through and then asked me, can you despise a person who is literally just a person who sometimes uh people have been hurt? And when God allowed me to see it that way, I changed my mindset. Uh but my change in mindset uh wasn't just something for him, it was something for me. In other words, what I'm saying to you, community, is that we never want to find ourselves getting so caught up in this that we lose our character, we lose our hope, we lose our kindness, we're willing to argue to the death with people over stuff that doesn't really matter. Uh at the end of the day, if especially if you are a believer, uh I believe that you have to allow that to operate in your character. Uh the thing that I'm I'm very grateful about, God's grace is God said to me, said, Eric, I want you to offer to people the same grace and forgiveness that I offer to you. And so I've also uh uh gotten to the point or matured in my uh spiritual walk to the place that I am willing to accept both the sort of the God side of me and the flesh human side of me. Uh too often people sometimes posture themselves as though uh they are either all-worldly, don't care nothing about God and the things of God, or they're so heavenly minded that they're not any earthly good. And so for me, instead of sort of showing uh the godly side in church and then the fleshy worldly side out here in the streets, uh, I have merged both sides of myself. And literally, I would say to you, community, that um when you are striving to be better, that doesn't mean that there aren't gonna be moments that you're just gonna blow it, you're gonna make mistakes, you're gonna fall down, or you have to just get on back up uh and you have to sort of uh uh wipe yourself off, clean yourself off, and keep heading towards better decisions uh and a better day. And so um I don't uh I'm not sad, heavily disappointed about the uh the sin nature that exists in me. Uh I'm understanding that and I'm also seeing God's hand upon that. Uh, that's the thing I love. If you really do believe in God, T, I love you, baby. I love you. Uh if you really do believe in God, uh then you have to recognize that He is answering your prayer, whether you experience or see it clearly right now at all. Uh, there are weaknesses. The Bible says that each of us is going to have a thorn in our side. And so the one the thing I know is that no matter who wants to try to judge me, uh, you know, uh they've got their own thorn. Uh, I was in a conversation yesterday, and uh I was uh speaking uh with uh you know some brothers, you know, and I had just sort of mentioned that I'm coming out of uh uh out of a divorce. And uh and then somebody uh wanted to start speaking about that. And then somebody wanted to thought they had sort of the liberty to say something about uh my my ex. And uh I thought, whoa, whoa, hold up there, bruh. Uh uh, you don't get to say nothing, nothing at all about her. This conversation ain't about her, but no, no, you talk like you say, oh, oh, whoa, bruh, I don't care what I did. Uh, you don't get to say anything on that. I get to speak on my part and uh the things that I did that led us here. Uh, but nobody, including me, I won't speak on uh anything other than my side. Uh and so we are constantly uh we have to we have to be careful that, especially people of faith, that we're not so judgmental and focused on our uh agenda that we literally uh disrespect other people or somehow set ourselves up as though we're better than somebody else. I love Terry Cooley. He's my uh my best friend in the world with family. Uh and uh we were we were speaking last night. I love the fact that uh, you know, there are five of us kids in my family. I grew up, there were five of us, my mother and my father. Uh I had sibling rivalry with my older brother, you know, Duke, you know, in high school, grade school, we was, you know, doing what the siblings do. Uh when he got to college, we got a lot closer. Uh he went to Central State. I went to Wright State. I spent more time on campus at Duke's College than I did at Wright State. And we just had a ball. And uh by the time we were uh even older adults, we were best friends. And uh, you know, uh I'm I missed Duke. Duke died of cancer several years ago, and uh he was my closest sibling. I talked to Duke probably three or four times, four or five times a day. And I loved that because Duke was just uh he said, Eric, I'm I'm a cheerleader, man. I'm here to cheer you on, and I could talk to him about everything, including my siblings. You know, he was my older brother, and uh and then he died. And uh I missed that. Uh, but God sent an angel along in Terry Cooley, uh, my best friend, that uh I love and I'm so grateful that I still have somebody that I can call up. And last night I said to him, I said, Terry, we're the same. You and me, we the same, man. Uh we're the same intellect, we have the same love of people, we have the same love of God, we have the same love of community, we have the same value system. And I'm so grateful, Terry. Man, I love you. I'm so glad you're up this morning, man. I can't believe you're up this early, bruh. It's early out in LA. And yet you are here with us on Diversity Conversations. I wish that everybody in the world could meet Terry Cooley. Because Terry Cooley is one of the funniest people on planet Earth, and uh, he's got one of the biggest hearts that I've ever seen, and he's been one of the toughest gangsters that I've ever known. I'm gonna say it like that because God's got some gangsters. Out here too. And uh he's a foster uh parent. And so every once in a while, somebody in the foster system is just gonna take it upon themselves to look at Terry and see him as a big guy and feel like they can just utilize their authority to give him a bad lecture about what he ought to be doing, what he doesn't know, what he doesn't understand. And Terry just hands out lessons like it ain't nothing. And uh he handed out a lesson to this uh social worker, a lesson that she needed. And Terry only dishes it uh, you know, for uh a few uh minutes just to get the point across. And she was saying something inappropriate in front of children, and uh and uh Terry just checked her on that and said uh these kids are gonna be here because they're loved. And then he turned why are do you want to leave here? No, I I love being here. Why? Because you know it's it feels safe. You love me, you care about me, and so uh I love the fact that God has set an angel on planet earth, and I want everybody uh to know Terry Cooley because uh he reminds me so much of the character of God, and I believe that his story will be inspiring. Uh, he's done, man. Terry, you know I can sit here for the whole show since Tommy ain't here. Uh I can tell stories about you all day. I'm just gonna tell one. Maybe two. But uh Terry talked about uh, you know, on Terry's block, everybody knows Terry Cooley. And all you have to do is mention that name, and then you have great respect and protection. Uh my my oldest son uh, you know, uh decided in college that he was gonna leave college and go to LA and uh make it big in music. And so uh, you know, Judy was telling me, uh, Eric, you gotta stop him. I said, I can't stop him. He's 19. So I tell him you got to get there on your own then. Since you want to do your thing, I hear, I get it, baby. You just gotta make your own way there. Okay, I got this. I got this. I'm 19. So he gets his little money together and he gets him a train ticket to LA. Takes him four days to get there, and then almost like an hour to get mugged. He went there, he was trying to get a little place out the Craigslist of LA. So he's talking to just crazy people, talking about he's trying to rent a little spot. And so uh somebody said, Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got a spot for you, $900. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had at least enough sense to tell him, uh, meet me over there, and he was over here, you know. And then he saw this uh white jeep come into the area, the general area, and then uh uh they called him up. Where are you at? He said, Is that y'all there in the uh in the white jeep? Yeah, this is where you at. Click, he hung up because he knew it was a setup. And so I had to call up on Terry. I said, Terry, can you go pick my son up, man? He's just out in LA, just roaming around. And Terry rolled up on him and picked him up, and then he called them people. He said, Hey, I hear you trying to rent uh apartment to my nephew. Uh you still got it. No, no, it's gone now. Oh, okay. Well, you rent an apartment, so I know you got something else. I got that 900 right here with me. No, we don't like to uh rent to people that are scared. He said, Well, no, no, he he's right here. We ain't scared of nothing. I got the 900. Uh, y'all want to come on over here and uh get it? And them boys must have known they was talking to a straight monster, and so they hung up on him because they see, he said, I love robbing robbers. Come on, that's the kind of angel Terry is, and so I just love T Cooley. Uh on another occasion, he saw a young man cross the street, got his pistol drawn. He's trying to rob the Kentucky fried chicken. Terry ran over there with nothing in his hands. I mean, he's literally like a uh a now day superhero. He coded it, didn't say on all of them. That's the Terry coded on all of them. All of them, all of them. He's the codest. Terry Cooley went over there with nothing in his hands and he grabs the gun, say, put that down. He said, Don't call the cops, order something off that menu, man. What you want? Eat, get something to eat. Huh? What is that? You literally walk up on somebody, take a gun, you don't have a weapon on you, you tell the people don't call the cops, and you make them sit down and eat a three-piece meal at Kentucky Ride. That's crazy. But that's the kind of things that Terry has the power to do. You see, he can see the world in different ways. And a lot of times the social workers have felt like because Terry is taking in some of the hardest place children in LA. Kids that have been in 10, 11, 12, 13, 15, 17 homes. And they finally get placed with Terry Cooley. And so nobody expects that to last long because they never do. And yet, these kids survive with Terry. And they're they they're assuming that he must be beating these kids up. No. Terry has a rare combination gift of uh number one, his strongest gift, his number one power is love. He loves in kids, he actually loves people, and so that's the thing, that's the secret weapon that has allowed him to live all these years, is that he's a child of God. We both our mothers preach together. Terry was in Hamilton, Ohio when I was in Forest Park, and uh we would see each other at church because our parents had us in church all the time. Mothers was preaching, and uh he had 22 brothers and sisters, and so that's how we first met each other. Uh, but Terry, uh, you know, he is uh so his number one gift and power is love. Uh and uh number two, he's just the funniest guy on planet earth. I mean, he's just hilarious. So so people just love to be around him because you're gonna be able to just laugh all day long from your belly, you're gonna be laughing. And then uh, number three, he ain't afraid of much, he don't take no stuff, and he's not afraid. And so he tells those kids, I'm gonna sleep real good tonight. Did you hear what I did at the last house? Seriously, I ain't afraid of nothing. I'm gonna be sleeping real good, and there's just a few rules that we have around here, and he sets down the rules, and those those kids they march to to that uh to that to that music. And the thing is, uh, people have never seen anything like that. And so if you've never seen anything like that, then you will just uh assume that he must be beating the kids up until you try to take one out of that house. See, if if if if uh he was beating kids up, then they would be happy to get up out of there. But when you love children and you establish boundaries and discipline, uh James Dobson used to talk about uh children need discipline in order to feel safe. And so the fact that he has an environment where they can uh live and experience discipline. Uh, you know, Terry called me up when my son was staying with him and he was like, uh, hey Eric, I want to make sure that I don't uh train him in a way that's uh inconsistent with how you raised him. I said, Terry, I trust you. Uh I don't care what lessons you teach my son, because he needs to understand how to live in the world as well. He's trying to go out there and thought he was just gonna make up residency in uh LA and uh he don't really know what he's doing at all. I'm not there, I can't teach him, but he's got a father, not just a heavenly father, but he's got an earthly father in Terry Cooley. And so, Terry, I want to give you your flowers today and tell you, man, I love you. Uh, you are my brother. Uh, you are a bright light in my life. I'm grateful that we get to talk and you'll just listen to me sometimes ramble on, and then you'll tell your own stories. And we there's nothing that we can't talk about. And I'm gonna tell you, community. My grandmother used to say, she said, Eric, count yourself fortunate if in your life you have more than one or two good friends. I was like, Grandma, grandma, I've got 12, 15 friends right now. I ain't old like you. I got friends. She said, No, no, son, just keep on living. It ain't gonna be like that. She said, You'll be fortunate if you have more than one or two good friends in your life. And I got a few, uh, you know, Terry and Tommy and uh LG Wise and you know, a couple others. Uh, but uh I'm just grateful uh that I have my brother. We're the same age. Uh, and uh we're grateful that we have a chance to be family. Family. When he says it, uh it rolls off his mouth in a way that you feel special. Like you, you in my you my family. You know, I love that. And so I'm very grateful for that. And I'm grateful for the fact that I am now in God's master class and God is teaching me some things, some things that I ain't I I'm not even sure I wanted to know. You know, uh I went to the uh doctor's office two months ago. I got a bad report. When I got that bad report on my uh diabetes, I was like, what is going up? I thought the medicine was gonna take care of everything. And uh when I learned that the medicine ain't gonna do nothing to be you eating like a fool. I mean, I literally was have been eating like a kid for all of my life. Uh and I would say to you that one of the things that I'll admit now is that in many ways I was caught up in emotional eating. Men, uh, on our sexist days, we just think that's language for women. Ah, emotional eating, that's women. No, no, that can happen with a lot of us. In other words, when life and life stressors begin to mount up on you, then sometimes you're just eating to give yourself some dopamine in order to deal with the stress that's happening around you. Uh, but when when you serve an Almighty God, God uh will customize a solution that's exactly what you need and more. And so when I went to the doctor, I said, Oh, I'm done. I'm done. I'm not gonna just keep eating, you know, you know, uh uh kid cereals, uh uh sugar smacks, uh sugar pops, I mean, just everything. Uh uh uh chocolate brownie uh uh desserts with uh with uh a triple dip of vanilla ice cream on a brownie, chocolate syrup on it, and then lots of cherries. That's my favorite dessert. And I would dream about that dessert all day long. And then because I'm free, I'm an adult, I'm free. I can eat me one, you know. Uh I wouldn't eat you know more than one in a day, you know, maybe a couple a week. I wouldn't eat them all every day, but I'm literally living like a child, uh eating like a kid until I realize, see, I don't even fear death, but I just don't want to limp there. I don't want them to have to cut off my foot, then my leg. Come on, I ain't trying to do that. And so I literally, my doctor said, Do you need me to recommend a dietitian for you? I said, no. It's never been a lack of of knowledge about what to eat. It's it's been uh a lack of the why. And uh, and once I got my why, uh, that's what God customized as an answer for my health condition. So what I did then is I started taking everything that I eat and I set up a little matrix within AI. And I said, look, AI, I want you to evaluate everything I've uh uh put up here for how it uh impacts diabetes. Is it uh no impact, low impact, moderate, or significant? First thing I put in was cornflakes. I'm thinking, that's a softball. I'm good. Cornflakes. Don't they look just basic, boring? I mean, there's just little flakes. Uh AI says horrible, huh? So I then put in the posterior with the fiber, little fiber balls, a little old uh wheat balls in there that's supposed to make it healthy, and it got raisins and and dates and things like that, all the little stuff, you know, this fruit type stuff. Horrible, huh? Then I put in there uh rich crackers, horrible, especially if you eat them out the sleeve, which I had a sleeve up right there. I'm like, this is just AI's looking all around my desk. I'm like, just your whole desk is a mess. Literally, I was saying that I'm eating nonstop, so I so I just keep eating, I'm grazing throughout the day. And when I got lessons, then it would give me options of things that I could eat uh that wouldn't have a negative impact. So I'm eating a lot of salads now, I'm eating nuts. Uh, my my dessert of choice uh is uh uh slices of apples with peanut butter. I literally crave that now. You know, that's the huh? And then, you know, I was doing a lot of the zero drinks. Chat said that uh they bloat you up. So I said, oh man, let me just go on go with water. And so uh I've been teaching a class uh in uh uh corporations, uh, a whole program around teen excellence. And what I'm trying to do is to teach people in uh corporate spaces how to turn uh skills into habits. Too often training is like an event, and people go to attend the event, and then information goes in one ear and out the other, and they don't do anything with it. And so I said that we train people like we'll train all the executive leaders together, then mid-level supervisors and then employees. And I said we need to actually be working with in-tack teams and teaching people how to communicate to each other as part of a team. And so all of a sudden, I'm teaching them about how to take skills and turn them into habits, and God is showing me the same thing in my own personal life where I'm now trying to make uh this a habit. I learned that uh, you know, habits, it used to be it takes 21 days to establish a habit. And then it went to 66 days. And so I am now working through this process where I've changed uh the way that I eat on a regular basis. I don't cheat with cookies, any of those kinds of things that I love. I don't cheat at all with any of those things. I just have really tried to eliminate sugar from my diet. As a result, I've lost 18 pounds at that, you know. So so for me, losing weight hasn't been uh a goal. So I didn't have any real reason to change my eating habit. I'm not trying to look cute, you know. I'm not, you know, uh trying to lose weight, you know. So I'm just like, I'm cool, I can eat this stuff that I want to and make myself feel better, uh, until it looks like it's gonna just, you know, uh make me cut off my feet, my legs. I ain't trying to do that. And so I've literally changed, and what it's brought into my life is discipline. Come on, God, really? You trying to get me to be more disciplined around the things that make life better? Huh. And then he gave me a devotional uh the Jesus call. And I read in my devotional now, getting in my word a little bit. And uh, I literally went out and bought myself a basketball. The last time I tried to shoot basketball was 15 years ago. I couldn't even lift my arms. I thought, man, if I game like that, it's over. I mean, I can't even shoot a basketball, can't even shoot a layup good. I bought myself a basketball because I said I remember loving the game of basketball and playing it all day long. And so I went out into my driveway with this uh brand new orange basketball that I bought from a discount store, and I'm literally being inspired by you know the NBA finals. I remember I was told, I remember I could shoot the ball and everything. So I'm literally out there. I started with layers, I got my two new knees, too, and then all of a sudden, before I knew it, I was hitting free throw. Before I knew it, Reggie, I was hitting threes. I'm out there reminiscing on all day. I'm shooting up threes, man, and draining them like I've never walked away from the game, and so I literally put my little orange basketball in my car because it used to be my best friend. You see, I I didn't start off life as a quote-unquote womanizer. Uh, I had very little interest in women because I was way more interested in basketball. I mean, I would play ball all day long. Uh, and then all of a sudden, if you uh let the genie out the bottle of fleshy things, then it's gonna be hard for you to get that genie back in the bottle. But right now, I'm feel like I'm back to where I started, even when I was a virgin. That for me to be able to go out there in my driveway and then just shoot threes and watch the nets. The nets are wrinkled because they ain't had no action in years. The rain done got to them, they done drawn up, they looking at me, they see me coming and going. Eric ain't shooting no more, he don't love us no more. And so then all of a sudden, I'm out there and I'm shooting shots and watching the nets go up the other way. It doesn't really matter to me that nobody is here to see this. Because you see, that's how I started. I got I got cut from the basketball team as a senior in high school. And my father told me, he said, son, it ain't nobody can tell you it's over but you. He said, Oscar Robertson slept with a basketball. I said, Okay, okay. And then I would go up uh to the high school. Back in those days, you know, I I didn't have a bike yet. Uh, I would just walk from my house to the high school. I'm left-handed, and I would just take the ball and put it in my right hand. I would just throw it behind my legs and through my the my legs and then curve it around because I wanted to spend so much time with the ball in my right hand that my right hand was as lethal as my left hand. I remember going up to the high school, watching them pour the blacktop, watching them put up the night lights. And I would just be there playing ball from 6 a.m. to 11 o'clock p.m. when the lights went off. I was imagining that big crowds were around me. I would I I remember the first time that I planted my right foot and tried to and learned how to do a 360 shot because I was just imagining different things that I could do. And I would just try to make that ball do everything. I wanted it to be a yo-yo. And then I got to a place where I felt invincible around basketball. I went all over Cincinnati feeling like a torch anybody. Uh, not true, uh, but but but but I was very skilled because I was quick and then I could shoot that ball from anywhere. And uh, and so I had something that I loved that was wholesome. And uh unfortunately, that uh, you know, my father kind of uh you know shifted my value system. He loved basketball too, but he loved something else that he then poured over me that became a challenge. And so the way I've got three boys, I did not raise them to be womanizers. I raised every one of my boys to wait until you get married if you can, because this is a beautiful thing when it's uh when it exists within the confines construct, if you will, of a marriage. Uh, because then if you're uh being intimate with somebody that you love, that is a powerful, powerful uh combination. And so here I am now uh back uh by myself, me, God, and my basketball. And I'm out there uh disciplining myself and enjoying watching the ball again go through the net. And then I see discipline happening in other areas of my life. And I'm just grateful. Uh uh, you know, when you get older, nobody can force you to do anything, you do things because that's what you want to do. And I'm grateful uh that I'm still here and that I still have a purpose in life. Uh let me continue. There, there was a whole topic that I was going to try. To talk about with you all um around this new legislation that's happening around DEI. I might get to it, I might not. Tommy and I come back on it next week. Uh but uh one of the things that uh um I did, I want to say to you, community, that uh not everything you do is going to go well or be successful. And so in my line of work, I'm a consultant. So I'm paid to coach leaders around how to be more effective. And uh and and one of the things that I want to do is really model transparency in front of them. And so uh I want people to own their mistakes. Matter of fact, I have a skill called error admission. In other words, if leaders, if you want to uh create a psychologically safe environment, uh you can do that by admitting where you've gone wrong, where you've made mistakes, admitting that to your people, the people that you supervise. Because as they see you being willing to admit your mistakes, then it also creates a permission structure for them to give you feedback around things that you can work on, but it also gives them an opportunity to own their own uh stuff, their own mistakes. And so I conducted a training. Uh, and uh uh so the person that's over the program asked me, she said, Eric, I got some, you know, uh kind of off feedback. Uh if you get a chance, have you have you had a chance to look at the evaluations? I said, No, no, it was just yesterday. I'll take a look at them. And so when I looked at them, uh they were real mediocre. So my evaluations are on a scale of one to five. They're usually, you know, 4.4, 4.6, I mean, you know, out of five. And these were in the threes, you know, uh 3.6, 3.8. Uh, and uh, and I looked at them and then I looked at the uh open-ended comments. And uh, so when I saw her, she said, Did you uh did you get a chance to take a look? I said, Yep. I said they were really mediocre. I said, and most of the feedback was critical and it was accurate. It was critical and it was accurate. I said they nailed it. They said that uh some of the things were confusing, they didn't understand, the instructions weren't very helpful. Uh, sometimes there was a difference. But and so uh she looked at me like, oh, you know, I wasn't making any excuses. I wasn't saying those people just don't like no. What I saw was absolutely accurate. And I said, Here are the adjustments that I'm gonna make to make sure that we're not there. I said, I uh I sometimes I try to get too many things done at the same time. I said, one of the difficulties is if you never have a chance to pilot something, then you just sort of, you know, you're you're you're trying to deliver it on the fly the first time. And sometimes when you are a consultant, you are an intellectual uh property creator, uh, when you are in your, you know, uh when you're in the uh cobbler's room and you're sort of inventing things, uh it all sounds amazing to you in the room, uh, you know, in the workshop, if you will, by yourself. And then you see something different when you're trying to deliver that same thing to live people. And so this time uh it didn't work. And uh I'm uh grateful that they didn't uh rate it lower. Uh but uh I just believe, community, that uh you want to find yourself being an authentic person in the world, celebrate the wins, also celebrate the losses because they give you an opportunity to be better and to uh demonstrate your character and your willingness to not make excuses. Uh but the other thing that we're doing uh at that organization is we've uh initiated this team excellence uh program that I'm uh that I've designed that works with building uh overall greater effectiveness with an in-tack team, teaching them these skills uh together and together for a four-week period. I coach them as they go through a structured problem solving model that enables them to uh identify one significant issue that they're dealing with as a team. Uh and so it uh the the uh the structured problem solving model is called DEA. Uh that's defined stage one is to define the issue, the main issue that they want to work on uh over the next four weeks. The E is then explore more with more discipline. What are the underlying things, challenges that uh that uh reinforce that uh issue? How does it show up in the workplace? And then the A is what are the actions that we're gonna take to try to address that? And then what we're doing is we're having them go through this process with the five essential skills. We've taught them five essential skills that we believe create a people-centered, uh people-centered workplace. I believe that uh people-centered workplaces deliver better performance. That's what I believe. That's been my fundamental sort of strategic message across the decades that I've been doing this work. And so I got a chance to do that in a pilot with a couple teams, and uh, and then I did a pre-assessment. And uh yesterday I just did uh a post-assessment, and I was just delighted to see the results of that. Uh, but also to watch people in the room. One guy says to me, he says, uh, you know, we're in the class and training them the skills, and he said, Eric, I'm just not I'm not even good at this. He says, and I need to be better at this, not just here at work, but at home. And so I said, Man, I'm here to help you, you know. And I really said, okay, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna have you uh, you know, do empathic listening with that young uh woman right there that works for you, and I'm gonna sit right behind you and I'm gonna coach you on what to do. And so I'm there encouraging him, and he's trying the skill. Uh, and then his boss jumps in and says, Eric, can I tag him? Yeah, man, tag me. And he took over and nailed it. And so here I am watching the team going through some of their most significant issues and they're they're addressing them. Uh, one sister said in one of the classes, she said, Eric, uh, this ain't appropriate for this uh this uh little thing that you're trying to do here. My issue is not appropriate for that. She said, I don't want to be, I don't want to lose my job. And so basically what she was saying, and she said, Eric, I like you. But what she was saying is that this ain't real, and you really can't talk about real issues here. I said, Well, so what's the option? You don't talk about it here and then you go uh yell about it later outside of here? Is that the option? I said, Well, let's see if we can't give some of these skills a try to see if they they might help. And she she was willing to do that. We created enough psychological safety that she was willing to surface her issue and we were willing to, we were able to address that. Uh, one other young person said, I'm so glad that I got a chance to participate in this with my bosses because I didn't know they cared. And to see them really working hard to uh learn skills on how to listen to me, how to understand my perspective, how to make sure that the environment is safe enough that I can, you know, uh challenge, you know, the status quo and the way we do things. She said, that's just been marvelous. And then a couple other people said, Eric, I've been using these skills uh at home with my significant other. Uh you ought to do like uh couples counseling or something like that. And then somebody else said, you know, my mother's been uh living with me and we've been arguing uh because you know she's just under a lot of stress. And she said, I use that perspective switching uh technique in order to look at uh things from her standpoint, and it and it took us from arguing to me having a better understanding. And I just sat there as I listened to people and I said to them, I said, Look, I said, you all need to understand that uh a lot of times when people see me coming in here, they think I have an agenda, they think I'm here to try to harm them, but that's not what I'm after at all. I'm trying to make your life better. Uh, you see, uh, community, I know why I was born. A lot of people don't know what their purpose is. I know my purpose. God put me on planet Earth to reconcile people one to another, to love people and to show people how to love each other. You see, it's like uh I remember telling people, I said, my mother used to say all the time, I dedicated all five of my kids back to God as preachers. And I was in a company about five years ago, and I was laughing. My mother and dad, they both passed away. I'm in a company doing consulting, and I just had the thought of my mother saying that she dedicated all five of her children back to God as preachers, and I was laughing. I'm sitting there like, ah, mom, I'm not a preacher, because preachers are boring, and uh and then God showed up and said, No, no, no, this is the ministry that your mother prayed for. And then I realized that my purpose is to help people understand the power of loving each other, hearing about each other, interacting with each other in respectful ways with decency. And uh, and when I hear that come back to me, uh, this guy said, uh, one participant said, Man, Eric, whenever I tell people I'm coming to uh uh, you know, uh uh ASI training, uh they'll say, Oh man, good luck. I can't believe you had to go. He said, I don't know what you're talking about. This is outstanding. I need these skills, and Eric's a great guy who cares about us and loves us. The last three union bosses uh have stood up in front of training classes and said, Look, I just want to let you know I believe in Eric. I believe in this work that uh integrity development is doing. Uh I, you know, and I've seen some changes in some of the ways in which our leadership behaves. I want to start by saying he's the real deal. And I think the only way that happens is uh when the anointing of God and the love of God exists inside of you, and that uh, you know, I tell people, I say, I just don't want to be the guy that people are running from because uh I'm just trying to help. And when I hear people take on these skills and begin to apply them uh in their lives, there are five essential skills that I focus on. The first one is empathic behaviors, empathic listening. Uh, I believe uh, and we learn these from several of our clients. Uh, I learned that employees said that our our bosses don't listen to us well enough. They listen only to give answers and then to say what they're going to say. They don't listen for understanding. And so we're teaching them skills, practical skills for how to listen for understanding. Uh, the second skill that we focus on is perspective taking. Uh, what I've learned is that employees have said that too often uh leaders are making decisions uh without checking in with the people that are closest to that work. So they'll make decisions about your area but never check in with you. And so we teach them how to do perspective switching, uh perspective uh checking, perception checking, uh, and other tools that help them to get better. Uh the third uh uh essential skill is psychological safety. Uh uh, you know, it is uh Tim, oh Tim's name's got away. Uh Terry, you know Tim in Tim Clark. Dr. Timothy Clark has written a book on uh psychological safety and the four stages of psychological safety. And so we teach some of those things and give people skills just like uh, you know, just that that ensure that people things like issue flagging or issue tabling. In other words, if you're in a conversation and everybody's saying, we're just gonna lay all the cards on the table, uh, let's just talk about the elephant in the room, but you're feeling like this could be risky for me personally and my career, then I can just flag that issue or table that issue until I can talk to somebody else and prepare myself for that. Error admission is another way to create psychological safety. I talked about that earlier. Uh, the fourth skill is belonging, it's teaching people how to create an environment on a team where everybody feels like they belong. And belonging has a lot to do with recognition, appreciation, and inclusion. As we do those things, then we create that sense of family. Uh, I've seen a lot of times where uh managers and bosses will have a go-to person, you know, their go-to. And I say, look, make everybody that works on your team, uh, your your special worker, your go-to person that you can count on. Uh, and then the fifth skill is around inclusive behaviors, uh, trying to create an inclusive environment where everybody can rise to the level of their talent, skill, and ability. And one of the greatest questions that a leader can ask uh to in order to make sure that they're including everybody is what might we be missing? I think I've come to a decision, but but I I'm not sure that I've heard from everybody in the room. You say if if you're paying everybody, then you want to be able to benefit from everybody. And you do that by uh by asking questions in order to make sure that you're getting people's points of view. And so uh those are the things that I had a chance to uh do over the last week. Uh, and uh, and so I'm grateful about that. Uh, the model that I talked to you all about uh over a month or so ago, that God told me in this economy, he said, Eric, your answers aren't in Washington. They're not in Washington with Democrats or Republicans. Your answers in terms of business growth is with your network. And I want you to tap your network, I want you to reach out to people that you know and ask them and create an opportunity that if they open up a door of business for you, that you'll give them either $2,500 or uh five to 10% of the initial contract, whichever is the larger number. And so I've been doing that, and God has literally put some anointing on that, and a couple of doors has opened up as a result of uh me following what God has instructed me to do. So here I am, uh grateful to be in God's masterclass, grateful that I had this chance, this opportunity for community you and I to spend a little bit of time together this morning as Tommy's out on location. I know he's there DJing and people are already probably hopping and popping, and I'm gonna be there shortly, but I wanted to make sure that I first took time to uh spend this time with you all, community. I love you, care deeply about you. Reggie, uh I appreciate you joining me, man. You mean a lot to me. That's a gifted preacher right there, uh, straight from uh the streets uh to the boardroom. He's got gifts at every level. Terry has said the same thing from the streets to the boardroom, and that's what ties us together is that we love hard, we love each other, and I appreciate you all. Take care of yourselves, love somebody, and uh join us next week for another installment of diversity conversation. Bye now.