Still Undefeated: How Faith, Friendship & Resilience Carry You Through Hard Times

What does it truly mean to remain undefeated when life brings health scares, unexpected setbacks, personal struggles, and moments that make you question who you are?

In this deeply personal episode of Diversity Conversations, Dr. Tommie Lewis and Eric Ellis explore why being undefeated does not mean winning every moment or avoiding failure. It means continuing to learn, showing up with faith, and refusing to let a difficult season define your identity.

Tommie opens up about the serious health warning that forced him to pause, reassess his priorities, and begin taking better care of his mind, body, and spirit. He also shares how faith helped him remain grounded after his son was involved in a frightening car accident.

Eric reflects on failure, embarrassment, and the danger of allowing a score, a result, or someone else’s perception to determine your worth. Together, they discuss the lessons hidden inside our losses and why difficult experiences can deepen our empathy for others.

The conversation ultimately becomes a powerful reminder of what matters most: faith, genuine friendship, meaningful relationships, and being present for the people we love.

You may lose a play, a quarter, or even experience a difficult season—but that does not mean you are defeated. When we stand together, keep learning, and remain anchored in faith, we are still undefeated.

Join Eric and Tommie for an honest conversation about resilience, self-care, friendship, identity, and finding strength during life’s hardest moments.

undefeated, resilience, faith, friendship, overcoming adversity, hard times, personal growth, self-care, mental health, health and wellness, life challenges, failure, identity, authentic relationships, community, perseverance, emotional resilience, leadership, Diversity Conversations, Eric Ellis, Dr. Tommie Lewis

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to Diversity Conversations, where we engage in thought-provoking dialogue to identify leadership solutions to today's most challenging conflicts. Stream live each week, Saturday, 9 30 a.m. to 11 a.m., hosted by Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Strategists and CEOs, Eric Ellis and Tommy Lewis. Join us and add your voice to this engaging diversity conversation.

SPEAKER_07 0:31

Good morning, Greater Cincinnati, Northern Kentucky, the United States, and the world. My name is Eric Ellis. I'm the president and CEO of Integrity Development Corporation, and I'm joined this morning in studio by my good friend and brother, Tommy Lewis, president and CEO of Make It Playing Consultant.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

Good morning. What's up, team? It's been like it seems like it's been two or three years. Right, man. It's been a few weeks, man, but I am so blessed to be with you, my brother, and to be here uh refreshed. I am refreshed. There's a lot of things going on. I had to really reset, reboot, right uh to make sure that I can uh be on this earth for another uh day, if not longer. Right. Just had to take care of self.

SPEAKER_07 1:16

Well, I'm gonna say, a community, you heard it from the master. Uh, you've got to take care of yourself. There's a lot going on in the world, and I'm gonna tell you this: you've got to value, treasure each day. You have to treasure your own uh sanity, uh, your own peace. That's something that you're responsible for, right, Tommy? Yes, nobody else is gonna care for that or take care of that for us. We have to take care of that for ourselves. So, uh, Tommy, how's your week been? How's your weeks been?

SPEAKER_01 1:48

Yeah, it's been it's been busy. So on the health side, Eric, uh, I have been listening to you when you were sharing that your numbers were high. And I have always not really paid attention to numbers, right? And I don't know what the numbers mean when you go to the doctor, et cetera. But then I went to the doctor and my numbers were astronomically bad. On the cholesterol side, my doctor said that I was close to uh either another heart attack or a stroke, cholesterol. And so immediately put me on medicine, went through another thing, a few things. And so the stress that I had experienced in just working through was first showing up with me on the golf course where I could not focus my brain. I had brain fog, I couldn't connect my brain to my body, and I was noticing there's something is going on. And so uh again, I went to the doctor, got some numbers back, and said, hold on, timeout, timeout, timeout. Had to call a timeout, and so things are well now, much, much, much better. Um, there was some alarm in home front, Eric, full transparency. Uh so I'm I'm pretty stoic now, but other folks around me is like when they took a look at the numbers, the sheet, it's like this is not good at all, right? So outside of uh, you know, again, cholesterol medication, uh uh B12, because my fatigue when my body was not uh absorbing B12, it doesn't anymore, right? So I just can't I'm constantly fatigued. So I I changed my diet, uh regular exercise, it's not dramatic, it's not like I'm uh you know competing again, but I really wanted to understand for myself what is most important to me. So that's that's uh balance myself so much so that my mind is sharp, my uh spirit is calm, and my body is reacting as I expect it to do. Uh, and so that's what's been happening in the last few weeks. Uh, that I've I've joined us online a couple of times, but when I said earlier that I need maybe to take a hiatus, um I did not know that my mind said, hey, you may need to take an hiatus, hiatus. And my body said, if you don't, there's gonna be no return. Something's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_07 4:31

So uh, community, I am um blown away by that, and I want to slow down the picture frame again for uh for greater understanding. Tommy said that Eric, I was listening to you talk about your numbers being high and having to change uh some of the ways in which you operate on a daily basis. So let's just look at that. Um so as my numbers got high and I then had to make some dramatic changes, my A1C was, you know, going up on medicine. And I was like, what? You know, you can go up while you're on medicine. That's not good, you know. And so I decided to make a change. But when I decided to make a change, I'm gonna tell you that one of the things that I don't like is people that are dieting and then lording it over other people, you know, in a way that makes them feel guilty. So anytime I say something like that, there's a part of me that says, Hey, I'm not trying to make anybody else feel bad. You know, I'm not trying to say this for anybody else. I'm not trying to say, ooh, look at what I'm doing, you know. No, none of that. I basically got uh forced into this based upon some things that were happening that got my attention as a why to change my habit of eating like a kid. That's what I was doing. And I also suggested that I know that part of that eating and part of the temptation that still comes to me is emotional. In other words, it's a way of trying to deal with the stresses of life. Now, I'm just saying that Tommy and I love each other, but here's what he said. He said, Eric, as I listen to you, so when you're in fellowship with people that you care about, they care about you, and they're trying to offer some things that could benefit, then you you can pick up something that may be of value to you. So Tommy says, I go to the doctor and they said, if you kept going like this, you might not be here. And so diversity conversations. Conversation is more than just words being shared. Yes, sir. It in fact can be life being given. I think, I mean, I know, I don't think. I know that God put us on the earth to be in community with one another. Uh, we're supposed to say things, do things that add value to each other's lives. And I'm gonna tell you, man, uh, I don't know what I would do if uh just one day Tommy was not here. That would really uh be devastating. And uh I so much appreciate our friendship, but I appreciate the way that God has used us to be a blessing to each other. You know what I mean? Just around the honesty and the conversation that we had. I don't have anything like that around me on a regular basis, and I'm grateful for that. And I'm grateful, man, that you are on a better, uh, a better pathway and a better track because you you mean something not just to me, but to all the clients you serve, to your family. And I think that as you continue, uh, this is the last thing I'm gonna say. I'm gonna turn it back to you, Tommy. We have to be listening to God. Yes. Uh, because God is giving us insight around how to be the best version of ourselves here on earth. I can tell you right now that uh that the pressure keeps going up for me. It just feels like the pressure keeps going up. And God keeps saying to me, E, I got this. Yeah, I got this. But I said, I'm saying, but God, do you see what the enemy is doing now? That's big. This is hurting, you know. Uh and God is saying, I got this. And so, Tommy, that is where I am right now as I'm in God's master class. Uh, but I'm also recognizing it's almost like being on the outside of myself and seeing the pressures that are on me. Yes, and seeing, I'm gonna be real honest, some of the dysfunctional options that are presenting themselves.

SPEAKER_01 9:01

Yes, you have to be able to see the dysfunctional, right?

SPEAKER_07 9:04

Come on, I see it. Yeah, say, hey, hey, it's like them. I don't know how you say it, those little uh in in in in myth in mythology, the sirenes. Yep, yeah, it's like that.

SPEAKER_05 9:16

Yeah, Eric, you're under pressure, yes, sir.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

We got you, yep, gotta put wax in your ear, and you gotta be tied up on the mask, otherwise you're drawn to the dysfunction and destruction. Come on, Ed.

SPEAKER_07 9:36

Dysfunction and destruction. And so I know I'm not alone, uh, community. And so what I'm saying to you right now is that when we talk about our faith, uh, we're not doing that because we're trying to uh impress you. Uh, we're not trying to be anything plastic, uh, we're not trying to be hyper-religious. Uh, none of those things are where Tommy and I come from. We know that we're in a battle.

SPEAKER_04 10:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 10:04

And uh when you have a purpose in your life, which you all have, uh, there is opposition out there that's seeking to dismantle uh your assignment. And I'm gonna say to you that part of the reason why I know God has us together, because God kind of speaks to us uh uh about us sometimes. You know, sometimes we hear talking and God is saying, I'm getting this lesson to you. You you're on the show telling it to people, but I'm actually getting this lesson to you. And uh I can say that I'm I'm grateful for the lesson. I've been, you know, my nephew's been with me now for almost a year, and he's been going through all kinds of stuff, man. Okay, and uh, I mean, just all kinds of craziness. And and and he's been a couple accidents, he's totaled a couple cars, and and what I said to him the last time is that I'm not mad at you at all. I said, I remember being 23 and I remember going through a season, Tommy, where it felt like trouble was just on me at every turn. Yeah, I was like, I can't even outrun this, I'm not even trying to do nothing. Yeah, and yet trouble is finding me out. I'm doing astronomical things, you know, like that's crazy. Why are you doing that? You just did this. Why are you doing that? I don't know, right? I can't make another decision. And so uh, when trouble is seeking you out, you have to have uh a defense against that. And I know that our defenses, our Heavenly Father, our defense is our relationship with people who care about us that could be sounding boards for us, and so I'm grateful. I don't I don't totally mind anymore uh being by myself, but I promise you things get better when Tommy Lewis is in that chair right there. Uh, because it's not just me talking to myself and talking to y'all. I love y'all, I really do, but I like Tommy being in that seat because there's wisdom, there's knowledge, there's integrity. One of the things that we said to each other, I said I was gonna, yeah, the last thing I feel like a preacher now. I'm like, I'm on my fifth clothes. I'm on my fifth clothes. But but the thing is, one of the things that I said to Tommy before the show started was I thank God for the integrity that he has, uh, the wisdom that he has, the honesty that he has, uh the transparency that Tommy Lewis has, because I don't take that for granted. I am grateful for that. As business people, when we talk to each other, we can say anything. I might offer something. If Tommy agrees with it, he goes with it. If he doesn't, he's free to say, either I don't see it that way, you know. Hey, or I'd rather, you know, have you da-da-da. And all of that, you can't have a real relationship if you can't have a real conversation. And we know that we trust each other, we believe in each other, uh, you know, and those things are powerful assets that uh not everybody has. And I'm grateful for that.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

Yeah, thank thank you, E. As you're sharing, I'm so blessed and grateful as well to be back. Um, I miss the this energy. Yeah, I miss the platform to allow God to speak to me through you and our community. I miss it because I I sense him right now. Uh so with that being said, Eric, this this past week, um I have learned from past uh digressions. And with learning, I've also come to realize that my wick for BS is shorter and shorter and shorter. I don't know what's going on, Eric, but not only is my wick short, I'm I can see clearly now, E, when I'm working with clients, it could be 20 or 30 or five. Yeah, I can see through my third eye either wickedness, deceit, evil at some times, and goodness. Right. And the goodness that I see, it's not a haloed person, it's not a glow, but I see a person, regardless of their title, their season in their life, their uh uh seasons of working with the organization. No, I see a person in their space, like, okay, I'm 30 years in, I'm 52 years old, I'm now empty nester, I've never been an empty nester, and I'm sitting here going through this little training. Like, I'm alone, I can see it. I can see people's loneliness, I can see people's vulnerability, and the the eye opening, the brain opening, the spirit opening view that I have. It's it's I've come into a new place in my energy. I can see the goodness and I can see the evil. Maybe not the evil, but some right. Yeah, yeah. So this past week, I've been in training again, very seasoned, educated people, small group of 15. They wanted me to get engaged to do uh some team building. That was the focus of my time with them because this particular team is basically 15 independent people working in their silos, all under umbrella of, again, in this case, the college. So there are colleges within a university, the colleges have different departments and divisions. So these folks lead different divisions, different departments, right? The school of X, the School of X, the Department of Y, but they're all under the same college. The person over the college called a timeout. To begin this new academic year, we need some team building. In other words, we need to set some norms. And so I uh I was engaged, had them doing uh some fun exercises in the beginning as I'm observing. They're doing I'm observing uh 95% of the folks engaged, they don't have a clue of what they're doing, they actually don't have a clue of how to solve it, right?

SPEAKER_06 17:10

Right.

SPEAKER_01 17:11

Um, but they're they're doing it, and I know some of them are 65 years old, a couple are 70, you know, and and they may not want to play child's games or children's games, but they were involved. But then there were two or three that I I had saw them when they came into the room originally, then I saw them going through the activity, and then fast forward after two fun activities, we have this one activity around you can anonymously write on poster notes the things that people say or do that annoy you, irritate you, or drive you to rage. It's called hot buttons, right? Anonymously, so you don't put anyone's name, you don't put your name. You what do people do? Behaviors, what might people say that push your buttons? That's irritating, that's annoying, that's enraging. We allow them within one minute, write down all the things that may annoy them, all the things that may irritate them, anger them, boom. Then put them on the respective flip charts. They're doing the exercise. I've done it a thousand times, Eric, but I'm observing. So two of them not writing much, the rest of them get some things out. Go ahead and post, right? Post the two that didn't write much, they get up and they post their one post note on the three. Right. So I ask for volunteers to read the list. So of the 15 people for each chart, there's about 45 comments. So each person wrote one, two, maybe three. And they just read them annoyance, irritation, anger. Under annoyance, one of the comments on the postal note was what annoys me is mandatory team building. Right? Right. So what I decide to do because when in another session with another client, when I was called a liar, just out of the blue, yeah. I I I tried to stay professional, right? But I got a little something in me. Right. So now it's me and you. Uh-huh. So this comment was not necessarily directed to me, Eric. It was uh directed universally, mandatory. So what I said was this comment here, please know it's someone's truth. They took the time to write what annoys me is mandatory team building. If you did not write this, I will ask you what do you have to do? What might you do to bring this person into some understanding that the team is important because we have on both sides of the psyche, we have individualistic people, I, I, I, me, me, me, and we see people who's only about themselves, not only in our workplace, but on television. At the end of the day, it's about me. Right. Then we have collectivistic folks who work collective, they work in collaboration. So a lot of times, a lot of females, by way of general personas, are more universal, collective, and collaborative because they are bearers of communities, immediate families or indirect. But this person may be individualistic. I know it may be a slap to me, may not. I don't care because I don't know the person, I don't need to know the person. But what will you all do? Because this person's on your team. You may know who they are, you may not. And so I believe the reason we have team building is because of people like this. What do you think? And I opened up Pandora's box. Eric, I can smell BS, and my wick for it is short now. My time is valuable, and it's not just work time, my lifetime is valuable, my energy time is valuable, and I am deciding how I'm gonna spend my energy and how I'm gonna spend my time at work and at

SPEAKER_04 22:00

Play Eric. Right.

SPEAKER_01 22:02

So they saw an evolution of Tommy Lewis for the first time meeting me, such that I turned that comment that was snarky into a lesson. Right. It's about to be a lesson. And so that's that's what I'm learning in these diversity conversations, Eric. These are conversations I have with myself, have with you, have with others. And now I am pivoting to truly uh allowing people to see their own strength with or without me.

SPEAKER_07 22:39

So so let's let's let's look at that. And we want to make sure we catch a couple comments, but but let me uh so I like Tommy. That's the beauty of getting older and wiser, yes, sir, and self-secure. You said basically, I sorry, community, I gotta slow the picture frame down again. Uh, to say, here's what happened. Tommy invited people to participate in the exercise, and uh your name ain't on it, that's cool. But uh when you post it, you mean for it to be known.

SPEAKER_02 23:17

Yeah, come on now.

SPEAKER_07 23:19

Yeah, you slapped it up there on the board. You slapped it up there. Come on, big fella. You put it up there. You didn't think it was gonna get talked about? You really wrote that out and went up there and and and and and and twinkle toed your way on up there and slapped it on the board. You're gonna just take a free shot. And you weren't gonna get punched back. I don't need your name to give the lesson. But rest assured I come here to give lessons. Yes, sir. That's what I saw my grandmother do. Uh people that had lived a while, that they don't have to put on errors, they don't have to make no excuses. Uh look here, young young man. Uh, there's something I need to tell you. You might not like this. You you might not even want to hear it. For your benefit. For your benefit. So you gave out a lesson because that's why we're here at something called team building, is because there's some people on the team that are not trying to do this.

SPEAKER_01 24:40

So Eric, on my team, I am undefeated because my God is undefeated. So when we talk about undefeated as we were preparing for our show, I understand what you're saying. Look, I we're athletes. If we are playing basketball, there's four quarters. You may very well lose a quarter. Absolutely, you're gonna lose plays, right? Right, you're not gonna win every play, you're not gonna beat your opponent every play. You're not, you may mess around and lose two quarters. And if it's a short margin, it's a it's a close loss, then third quarter, right? You may be down, but not the victory is not unreachable. Right by the fourth quarter, you get things together, end of the game, you may have scored more points than your opponent, and you win. Where I am now on my team, I am absolutely undefeated. I am winning every quarter by way of me learning. I'm listening to God, like you said, I'm listening to my friends and family, I'm listening to myself, I'm winning. If I say, and I have said in my life that I'm a lifelong learner, I'm winning.

SPEAKER_04 26:09

I'm learning.

SPEAKER_01 26:11

I'm learning. Now, there are events in my life most recently, that there's been some loss. In short, my beloved son uh was in a car accident two days before he had to go back to college. And uh he was in Cincinnati, Ohio, had to travel to another part of Ohio to take an exam such that he can be competitive to get clinical internships for this critical year in his academic life. And on the way back, uh very rainy. It's been incredibly rainy here in this part of the country, Ohio. And so, as you and I know, uh oil and water does not mix. So on the highway, it's water is coming down, there's been plenty of oil, you can always see the oil, but anytime cars and trucks go over a roadway, oil gets on the roadway. So then there's this barrier of oil and water, and the water stays on top of the oil, i.e., the ground, and then cars can hydroplane. And if you're going 65, 70 miles per hour, right? Get close to a truck, next thing you know, he hydroplanes, gets sucked into the back of a truck, gets bounced around, thrown into the grass medium. He was heading toward the oncoming traffic on the other side of the highway, decided to uh uh a hard right and jam the entire car into a muddy ditch. And my boy called me. I missed a call the first time, I missed a call the second time, which is right after the first time. I got a text and I saw, oh, and then he called. What's going on? Heightened energy, and I did two things very quickly, Eric. One, I eerily I stayed calm because he was talking to me. I heard the excitement, I heard the nervousness, I heard the newness. But I have been in car accidents many times, right? So I know what it sounds like when you are in shock, adrenaline, but you're okay physically, right? For right now, as you can see, because we always have bumps and bruises afterwards. We have some psychological stuff, right? But my mind and my spirit said, Oh, he's okay. He is okay. I was calm. Yeah, oh thank you, Jesus. You oh, is he okay? He's okay. Teachable moment. Don't lecture, don't recant the past. No coulda, woulda, shoulda's. Were you doing this? None of that. Right. All about going forward. What did we lose? We lost the car material. Right. Four quarters, first quarter, lost the car. Right. I I and we won the game.

SPEAKER_06 29:24

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 29:25

I was the father that my son needed in the moment. I gave him the latitude to make some decisions, talking to EMT EMS, talking to the first responders, getting the car towed, handle that. Because I had to do all through all of it, and it's not new. And so then when I had to make a pivot me to get airline tickets instead of driving his car to North Carolina, we had to get airline tickets. I took the moment to be there in presence and not in words. Dropped them off in North Carolina, came back overwhelmed with emotion, shed my tears and said a thousand times, Eric. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus, thank you, Jesus, for protecting him and keeping me calm, cool, and collected in the rock that he needed. Eric, I'm undefeated. I'm undefeated, E. I'm winning. I'm winning. Hey, when's the next game? Right, when's the next challenge? Right? Because the first thing I'm gonna go to is the playbook, which is God Almighty. What's the playbook? Go to my training, right? All the training that my mind has done, that my body has done, and depend on that training. Say, whatever the event, my response will be the best I can do, and the outcome will be what he has in store, right? And maybe some influence by my own response. But Eric, if we're talking about undefeated, I we are winning.

SPEAKER_07 31:23

So uh I said to Tommy, I said, Tom, I think we ought to do a part two on this. I didn't imagine that he would come back with so much power. Uh and community, I want to uh again, Tommy, I want to react to that. Um that um undefeated, the reason why I came up with that title was because I was feeling uh like I've sustained a number of losses. And uh, and if we're not careful, community, we can look at the world around us, and the world is constantly trying to say to us, you're losing. You are defeated, you can't come back from this. And anytime those thoughts come to mind, God almost transposes them in a way like a musician would, and says, nope, you're not defeated, you're undefeated. Because I am with you, I am your protection. And God said to me, I want you to give examples of times when something crazy happened and I turned that around because people are strengthened by the word of their testimony. And so when you talked about your son being in an accident, uh, I told you my nephew's been in a couple of them now, totaled two vehicles. So it's a it's a bad season out there right now, sir. But none of them are defeated. Tommy, you also said that uh that even if I on occasion may lose a battle, I still win because of the lesson that I take away from that. Uh, as I look at the way that you responded, um you heard from your son, you heard the excitement, and God repositioned you to be the father, the mountain that he needed. And you knew what the situation was, and you knew the assignment that you were called upon to do, and you were there as a rock. This is son, this is what I do. This is exactly what I specialize in.

SPEAKER_01 33:43

That's what I do, my special set of skills.

SPEAKER_07 33:47

Yeah, you call the right one. Yeah, and then get no lecture.

SPEAKER_01 33:51

Call the right one, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 33:52

And and now you're listening real quickly to hear, is there something else? I hear the heightened level of energy, excitement, nervousness. Daddy, come get me now. You know, I hear all of that. I got this, and that's what that's what Almighty God does for us when we're frazzled, uh, when we're shaken, God says. I got this. And then uh man. And then you did something that I I believe that we have some biblical support to suggest that Almighty God has done this as well. You wept.

SPEAKER_02 34:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 34:33

Once everything is situated, da da da, you went over to yourself and you then imagined all the things that could have happened that didn't. And the the power of your love overwhelmed you in your own private moment so that you could say, God, allow me to express outwardly the love, the deep love that I have for my son. And so my tears are a reflection of my fear of what could have happened and my gratefulness for what didn't happen. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 35:09

Amen.

SPEAKER_07 35:10

And so uh I uh I know that God does that on our behalf as well. The Bible says the shortest scripture in the whole Bible is Jesus wept. And so I think that there is this room for a compassionate heart. Uh, but uh I'm I'm just grateful that God is our protector. And uh, and and if bad things happen to you, and let's say your child didn't survive, uh, there's still some some lessons to be taken away from that. In many respects, uh, my brother, my older brother's gone, he died of cancer. He didn't get healed of cancer, he died of cancer. But guess what? The second he died, he joined Almighty God in heaven. Yes, and so in many ways, he's no longer in the foolishness that we're having to deal with on a regular basis. But uh, but I love this notion of us winning and being undefeated. And so, community, I'm gonna say this to you that whatever you're facing right now in your life, I want you to just lean in to this notion of being undefeated, especially if you have a relationship with God. Now I'm gonna lighten things up just a little bit and pivot uh into another thing that Tommy did, and then I got a chance to uh to relate to it. So Tommy and I played golf a lot. You all know that. Uh Tommy had uh gotten to a place, neither one of us had been doing great this year in terms of our numbers that we're talking. I mean, we have not, we didn't put a lot of work in. We saw, we've been talking about it. Yeah, man, we we we we love it, but it don't love us. Uh and the thing is, and so Tommy told me after one time, he said, E, I'm I'm I'm putting the clubs down for a while. And uh and and he walked away. And there was a part of me that was like, Oh, I'm sad, I hate that.

SPEAKER_06 37:11

My friend is gonna you know take some time off. Tommy, don't let this thing get you down.

SPEAKER_07 37:15

And so I'm trudging along, still playing in the high 80s, but I'm in the 80s, you know. And then all of a sudden, the same thing that hit him came down my street. And I'm in a couple of tournaments. I was doing one tournament, I shot a 42 on the front and I missed about four or five putts.

SPEAKER_05 37:34

So I'm thinking, oh man, I'm on fire. I'm close.

SPEAKER_07 37:37

Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna be in the 30s on the back. Well, the back came. Yeah, it came. And I shot a 53. Now I'm heading toward 100. I'm literally it's in sight. The tummy is front here in sight.

SPEAKER_05 37:52

100. If they didn't have caps on how many uh bogeys you get, I'm already there. I'm already there. Yeah, that's right. Come on, this way, this way.

SPEAKER_07 38:08

And so, so literally, I'm out there. Uh, I'm out there last week. I'm playing with some people from our club. I'm playing a golf course that I really like, Walden Pond. And I'm literally triple bogey, double bogey. I mean, just crazy numbers. And that was out like at the first four holes. I think I was like eight over at the first four holes. Well, more strokes than I want in the whole round. That's like me. I was eight over at the first four holes. So I'm saying if it stays like this, so now here's the conversation that's happening in my head. We're talking about undefeated. The conversation in my head is this is embarrassing. I'm I'm uh I can't believe I knew before the round that my swing was off. So I was at the driving range trying to interrupt other people to look at my swing. And they're looking at me like, right, bruh, do you see what I'm doing? Right. The time is short. None of us that come down and hit balls want to look at your swing. Right at all. No one.

SPEAKER_02 39:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 39:08

I called, hey Danny, can you go? Danny looked at me like, I'm on the putting grid. Everybody's looking at me like, bruh, this is not the time to be calling over who to look at your swing. And so when I was doing that bed, I thought, if I'm doing still this bed at nine, I'm gonna pack up and go on, go home. So literally, I was saying that I'm gonna quit the golf round. Now, that's never been a thought of mine. That's not who I am, that's not anything that I would ever entertain. And uh, I was entertaining it strongly because I was I felt so bad that I couldn't figure out how to get out of this mess that I was in. Uh, but the thing is, then God started talking to me and saying, Really? You just gonna quit? Uh, why are you gonna quit? Well, God, this is hard. Well, why else are you gonna quit? Well, I'm I'm about to get a huge number, uh, and I don't want that number, and I I'm kind of embarrassing myself right now. Who knows how high that number is gonna go? God says, so you're afraid to stand next to a big number. Why is that? Well, that's not how I define myself, but that's who you are right now. What about all the other people that have to stand here all the time? And so I'm getting a lesson right there on the golf course, Tommy, and I realized that I had to separate myself from this score. And uh I had to recognize that if I came in last place, which I think I did, that uh I wasn't going to define who I was, and I needed to be able to rise above that personally. And I had to accept, Tommy, that all the work that I put in to golf and all the knowledge that I have about the golf swing, that I cannot rescue myself from this moment, nor do I need to. Yeah, yeah. I didn't like it, Tommy, at all. Uh I didn't like it at all. And uh, and I think that God does everything for a reason. I I won't say out loud all the reasons why I was failing, but I know some of them as well.

SPEAKER_01 41:44

Yes, and that's a good point, Eric. I think is that you know the points, right? Not missing it, you don't have to verbalize them or vocalize them. I too know that. So when my golf game was going south, and I was listening to my mind and my body, greater lesson. There were many, many other things that I had not shared with anyone, and it wasn't traumatic or whatever, it's just my thoughts, maybe some concerns, maybe even Eric, some energy around another person that was going through something, and for whatever reason, I'm feeling their anxiety and stress. Everything, the universe was off balance. My game was showing up like that, right? It wasn't connected, so with my golf game going into the gutter, um what I'm struggling with, Eric, is so I get embarrassed. I am better than what you see. I know you may have some thoughts at the tournament when you see me and then I'm I'm golfing and it's terrible. It's like I I hit the ball three yards, I hit the ball 10 yards when we're 400 yards away, and you're polite by not saying anything, right? You just mind your business, I guess, and tee up your ball or go to club. But I know that you saw, and I know that you think. And what you don't know is that I'm better than that. I am an excellent athlete. My mind connects with my body and I perform. So time and time and time again, when I'm not performing in front of one person or a crowd, I'm embarrassed for me. And me says, stop. Stop. Hang it up. When I hung up the cleats, you can't perform like you want to. Yes, I can't. No, you can't. Other people, hey, come take a look at the swing. It's not good. You're right. How about you? It's not. Hang up the cleats. Right? Hang up the cleats. Hang up the sneakers. Hang it up. And my mind says, hang it up. And I'm looking at folks 15, 20 years my senior. Not hitting the ball further than I can now. Definitely not 10 years ago. Although they may say, back in my day, I could smack it. Oh, back in my day, I could hit a baseball 460 feet.

SPEAKER_04 45:04

Right.

SPEAKER_01 45:04

I can hit a 100 miles per hour fastball. If I put what I had in that in the golf ball, I can and I've hit it like enough of the talking. This is all embarrassing. Just stop. And then I hear one of our club members, and you, our club member Keith.

SPEAKER_07 45:24

He's asked about you.

SPEAKER_01 45:26

I hear Keith in my head, like he said one time, that's that's not why we're out here. Right. He literally said that to me. What? We're not out here to play golf. No, that's what we're doing. Right. That's not why we're out here.

SPEAKER_06 45:46

Right.

SPEAKER_01 45:48

And my when he said it then, I remember it was a clubhouse. My head exploded. Right. Because I was sitting after the round with folks, and we were diving up with the winning. Right, right. And I made my contribution to your winning. Right. Right. And he talked about that's not why we're out here. No, we just and and I got it. Yeah. I did. I really got it. After that, shortly after that, I was comfortable with just playing the round that was given to me a right day. That's right. Right. That's right. I am still in that mindset of playing the round that is given. But what I had to do, why I had to step away for just a little bit, because I'm playing tomorrow.

SPEAKER_05 46:38

I thought it was glad to see you.

SPEAKER_01 46:39

Is that is that uh I actually I wasn't showing up anywhere. That's where it was. I wasn't showing up at the golf round era. I was not showing up at work. I was not showing up with the client. You know, I was physically there. I was I wasn't there at home. If it were up to me, I would just sleep away and close my eyes. And when I open my eyes, hope that it will be different if not gone or back. And I kept waking up to the reality that here it is. Some things are in my control, some not. And so now, like you, the score does not represent my character, does not represent me. And it's I need to embrace this. It's not embarrassing. And here's why I've learned why it's not. I don't go to those tournaments. I take a look at the score. There's big numbers everywhere, everywhere. The best player, I'm the only blew up. They blew that's right. Oh, oh, they're looking at me like we know. Right, right. It's all level, right?

SPEAKER_07 47:58

Danny told me last week, Danny Oliver's one of our uh best golfers. Uh, he's an amazing athlete. He was an amazing athlete in in high school and football, uh, basketball, baseball, football, baseball, I know for sure. And he's been a phenomenal golfer forever. Last Sunday he told me, he said, Eric, you see, people don't talk about their failures. You we see a lot of their winnings and their victories, but they don't talk about their failures that much. He said, Eric, I was in a two-day tournament. He said, and on day one, I shot 126. 126? That's unbelievable. I've never shot a number like that. But he was sharing that with me, Eric. I shot 126 on day one. He says, I didn't want to come back. He said, but I showed up on day two and shot a 65.

SPEAKER_02 48:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 48:53

That's gone.

unknown 48:55

That's gone.

SPEAKER_07 48:55

126.

SPEAKER_02 48:57

Yep.

SPEAKER_07 48:59

65. And so uh I'll tell you that community, we have to, those of us that are that God has blessed us to do a lot of winning in our lives in a lot of categories. I don't think that we oftentimes have enough empathy for people that are average, below average, mediocre. Uh, and we have not even investigated all of the feelings that we have about them. Uh, we just stay in our lane and we almost get a swagger that comes from being comfortable winning. And so when the down times come to you, uh, what I know God has has shown me is that you have to experience those and embrace them fully so that you are able to give greater levels of empathy to others. Hang in there with this level of failure.

unknown 50:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 50:07

Because it doesn't define you, uh, but it's a necessary part of life. Uh, I I remember Gillian asking me in high school, you know, because all my kids play sports, and I probably don't even realize how much uh value we put on winning.

unknown 50:24

Right.

SPEAKER_07 50:25

And so she asked me, she says, Dan, I'm thinking about track. She says, Do you think it's okay to uh do a sport that uh that you're not very good at? I said, I've never been asked that question.

SPEAKER_00 50:39

Right.

SPEAKER_07 50:39

I said, Yeah, baby, you know, if you want to if you just want to join track and be out there hanging out with your friends, that's that's beautiful. So I say that to Tommy and I, uh, you know, that no matter what our swing looks like, it's a good thing to participate in something even if you aren't doing well right now because of all the other uh, but but I'm just saying that uh community, I want to say that to you as well, that you may be going through things in your life in terms of business, uh, the workplace, uh, the home life, where you might be in a season where you don't feel like much winning is happening. Just keep hanging in there, uh, keep putting your faith in God, and then keep putting these things in perspective because we can't allow uh artificial sort of symbols uh to define us and to impact us emotionally in ways that become another weight.

SPEAKER_01 51:44

Yeah, Eric, as you were we're talking about sports and making some sports analogies and connecting it with either being undefeated or weathering the storms, as I would like to say, et cetera. I want I want to give a quick shout out. Uh wife and I, we are avid sports fanatics, I guess. In other words, we like football, and so we watch high school football and college and go to pro games. This past week, there was a high school football game in Cincinnati. It was Thursday, uh, which was two days ago. And it was between a school called Princeton High School, the Princeton Vikings, and their uh longtime arch nemesis, the Archbishop Moeller Crusaders. So back in the 70s and 80s, between uh Princeton and Moeller, uh that game would happen during the during the season, right? And literally whoever won that game will win the state of Ohio Football Championship. Right. So it's big football, Thursday night game. The game is not played at Princeton, it's not played at Molar, it's played at the uh Cincinnati Bengals Stadium, pay court, right? And Eric, there may have been 10,000 people there. The community that supports Princeton showed up.

SPEAKER_04 53:19

Okay, okay, right.

SPEAKER_01 53:21

They showed up. Oh it may have been more than 10. I I would I would like to say if PayCor holds 55,000, I would say there's probably 10,000 on Princeton side and maybe 4,000 or maybe 5,000 on motorcycle. So it might have been close to 15,000 people, right? And so uh the shout out that I want to give is in the vein of being undefeated, is around friendship. And so uh wife and I, we go to the game, we get there a little bit early to find a cubby because we don't like really being on top of one another. Find a little cubby that we can kind of see the game. Plus, we watch the game, literally, we watch the holding, right? Off, you know, offensive pass interference. We're watching the game, we're not there just talking about the going to the grocery store at all. But we're there watching the game. I look to my right, there's some folks, you know, a lot of folks coming in. I see a uh old friend of mine from college from Tennessee State University by the name of RC Glass, right? And I see him, he doesn't see me, right? He's with his family, just trying to trying to find a seat. And so I'm able to scoot down the stairs a little bit because he's coming through the tunnel, and I look over at him. I don't even call his name because I didn't want to be loud. I just kind of wait until he's looking around and catch me, and I, you know, kind of give him big eyes, you know. Right. TJ, what's up, RC? Right? I may not have seen him in person for 30 years, right? Connected. Boom. Love. He's doing his thing on the softball still, softball field still, doing his thing as if we were still in college. Right? Hey, I know you're trying to find your seat. I'm gonna sit back down. Like, that's what's up, I holla at you. I go sit back down. Maybe 15 minutes later, we're watching the game. I hear somebody calling my name, right? Right, and I stand up, it's RC, he's on the phone, he's pointing to me, right? I'm like, what up, boy? He points to our other guy, Ron Thanning, right? Who's all the way on the other side? Ron's on the phone, he looks at me, what up, boy? Haven't seen him, right? I end up having to run around, slap, slap with Ron. Right, he give me a hug. No lie. The hug lasted a minute. Hear me? So I one of these going for the hug, he holding on. Right. Oh, my hand and my heart pivot.

SPEAKER_07 56:04

Hold on, hold on. You need some, hold on.

SPEAKER_01 56:06

Yeah, I'm holding on to you as long as you hold on to me, right?

SPEAKER_07 56:10

Right.

SPEAKER_01 56:11

You don't have to tell me. Right, right. Boom, we dismount. Right. He look away, right? I look away. Saw my other partner he went to high school with. I know, slapped hands with him. All right, I'm here. Hey, I hit him with the we we may want to get together. He said, We do. I think I got your number. You're sober. Yep, let's connect. I'll own it. I'll reach out to you. Don't worry about it. Yeah, I love you, man. I love you. For real. All right. He sat back down. When I went down the steps to go through the tunnel, I looked back. He was just sitting there. I'm gonna fall in with you, Ron. Right? And then as I was leaving through the leaving through the tunnel, see I turn around. My childhood friend, Lamont Brown, right? He came through, and Lamont is has always been even keeled, right? That he was one to mix it up with you, but wouldn't say much, if anything, right? One of those types. Right, right. And folks could not never judge him. I knew him, I loved him. He's a good friend, knew family, his older brother Darren, his sisters, uh, his his his mother and father were elders in the church, right? Ran into him and just kind of turned the page from the last time I seen him several decades ago. Right. And so I want to give a shout out to love and to relationships, yeah, friendships. So sure, we do have seasons of time, but when our trunk and our roots of love, relationships, and friendships are deep, yeah. When we when the winds blow us back together, uh, I want to be known as someone who remembers you. And I thank my friends for remembering me. Whatever you've heard about my company or me, any contracts, any perceived success, cars, houses, travel, anything that you've seen or heard, please know I'm still trying to make it. Right at the end of the day, my friendships matter most to me. They do. Right. And so I have a car to get to work, have work to make some money, make some money to have a lifestyle, a lifestyle to be around to enjoy it with people in that order. That's what it is. At the end of the day, it's for me to enjoy it with the people that I love and like, right, and so I want to thank my friends, RC, Big Ron, Lamont, for remembering this guy. You didn't have to speak to me. I know a lot of people who were my friends who don't speak. Real talk.

SPEAKER_04 59:40

Right.

SPEAKER_01 59:40

And I'm not gonna by no means am I gonna call him out, but we're friends. Holla at your boy. If it's a female friend from elementary school, it's it's me still, right? Right? I may not go by my nickname any longer, I go by my father's given name, right? But it's me. I just want to sit down, watch a movie, watch some sports, and you know, kick back at the end of the day. So I appreciate the relationships and friendships of people who remember and not going back into nostalgia all the time, but just here's where we are. And I give a shout out to Mark Fry. Mark Fry, I love you, man. Saw you at the Waffle House. Understand you went through the surgery, man. I appreciate you coming over. Remember me. Me and Mark went to kindergarten together. Right? It's I'm so blessed to see you and to be seen versus being viewed. So blessed.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:46

Right.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:46

Well, I'm gonna tell you, community, I had no idea where we were headed. Uh, our producer said, uh, just show up. You don't actually need an agenda, and uh, the Spirit of God will show up uh with you. And today has been uh powerful. I think the lesson is that you are undefeated. Uh, if you have uh a relationship with God, that will provide for you. Uh, if you don't, we're always inviting you into that place. Uh, what Tommy talked about today was the power of friendship and being available to people. And as I thought about his friend that held on. Community, a lot of times, I'm telling you, we're spending too much time with AI, we're spending too much time on social media, we're spending too much time with inanimate objects. And we need to really make time, room, and space for the things that matter most. And I would say to you, your friendships and your relationships. Uh, there's people that are hugging you and holding on because what they recall was the power and the honesty of the relationship that we've had together. And many people may not ever find another genuine friendship, honorable relationship than the one that they've had with you. Don't allow yourself to get so caught up and distracted by the material things of life that you miss the powerful relational things in life. Daron, I'm so glad you're here today. I really appreciate you showing up. Uh, he uh he is he certainly woke up on that Princeton Molar uh because he was a part of the legendary uh challenges there. But I love Daron Hunter, I love Terry Cooley, I love all of the people that are in my life for uh in the nearest time space or that go back, that together, if we stand together, if we stand together, we are truly undefeated. And that's the lesson that we want to leave with you today. Tommy, close us out.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:06

Yeah, again, thank you, uh, community as always joining me and Eric uh for this uh beautiful blessing that we have. We invite you to return next week as well and continue to return. Like and subscribe and all the good stuff. But for now, thank you for joining us on another episode of Diversity Conversations. Take care. Love you.